I’m a nosy Nelly myself and am always curious about how people work their family size, so I’ll just come out and share where we’re at with ya!

My newest little boy is already over 6 months old.  Crazy.  Time really flies when you’re sleep deprived   And my goodness am I busy.  Every moment of the day there is a need, a want, or a whine that only Mommy can soothe.  I’ve learned two things about having kids….

1.  Once you have 3, you can have 300.

2. Children are the cure for selfishness and laziness.  Unless you’re rich and have a nanny.  If that’s the case, and you’re reading my blog, send her my way.  Along with your maid.  Chop chop!!

So, here I am with 4 very young, very active little boys and already thinking about another.  I realize some will understand.  Others think I’m nuts.  Most think we’re trying for a girl.

Many of our friends from high school know that since we met, Keith and I wanted a big family.  To them, none of this baby-having is a big shock.  However, to the lady at Target, or new friends we meet, I often wonder if they want to know if we’re just trying to have a girl.

No.

We hope to have another baby…and no, we will not ‘keep going until we get a girl’.  We’re not sure how many children we’ll have, but we do pray about each one and kinda take the advice that God puts on our hearts.

Do you want a girl?

Yes.  And no.  I think I want one more out of curiosity.  I’d love the boys to have a sister to add a softer side to the family, especially once Keith and I have gone off to Heaven.  Sometimes I do feel a bit ‘left out’ when most friends have at least one of each just out of pure ‘grass is greener syndrome’.  And then there’s the ‘not wanting to disappointment anyone’ factor.  I’m a people-pleaser and I know a girl after several boys would be very exciting for everyone.

However, when Ava Grew a Wiener, the Lord kinda stripped me of my expectations for my family.  I know He is going to give me what we need.  My husband has always felt this way, it took me a while to get there.

After our 3rd son, Hudson was born, I really was shocked at the tinge of disappointment I felt.  After his birth, I did a lot of soul searching with the Lord and came to a peace about never having a daughter.  I still have moments where I want what someone else has, but for the most part, I adore my boys and would take a few more!

That’s our story.  If you struggle with gender disappointment, or just want to chime in with your experiences, leave a comment!!! I’d love to hear from ya

One  of my sweet readers, Cary Coker, contacted me several months ago about doing a giveaway with me.  She was so patient and kind!  My goodness…my blogging has been less than consistent lately and she was so sweet and understanding!  A huge blessing to work with!

Cary is a consultant for Lilla Rose. Lilla Rose offers high quality hair clips that are durable, stylish, and easy to use.  They have countless videos at Flexistyles to show you the various ways you can use their clips.

I have seen their clips on blogs around the web and entered to win one several times and never did .  So, when I received an email to host my own giveaway I was ecstatic!  Cary mailed me a Flexi Clip that was perfect for my hair color and thickness.  I was able to use my clip right away.  I didn’t even watch a video.  They are super user-friendly.  However, once I had time, I enjoyed browsing the Flexistyles website to find new looks!

I was immediately impressed by the quality of this product.  The clips are sturdy and heavy.  Nothing flimsy about it.  I’ve worn my hair up to the pool using mine and ran after 4 boys while homeschooling and doing housework and I haven’t had any issues with my hair needing to be re-pony-tailed!  I also looked much more put together using this product than with an old scrunchie!

Best perk of all?  I never got one of those hair band headaches!  You know those…where your head aches from where your hair was out of whack?  My hair has also been less tangled when using the Flexi Clip.  I’m totally loving mine!  I really want one of their headbands next!  Those look super cute!

If you have any questions, or would like to place an order directly from Cary (don’t forget to mention The Hesitant Housewife), you can email her at carycoker@gmail.com!

Entering is quick and easy! Click HERE to visit Cary’s website.  Don’t forget to ‘like’ her on Facebook HERE. 

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My husband and I have changed a lot of the ways we parent in the last few months. However, we still have a long way to go. You can read about why I started the journey here.

However, as I’m learning more about God’s grace for me, and how I must pass that onto my children with each step of the way, I’ve been thinking about friends.

Mothers in particular. Christian mothers.

Women can be mean. Cruel. Snobby. Vengeful. Then, they become mothers. And we have a whole new bag of reasons why one of us is doing it wrong and the other is doing it right. I’ve done it. I don’t know if you have, but I think we are all guilty of it at one point or another….

Did you see how much she spent on that diaper bag?

I cannot believe she’s doing mother’s day out? What’s the point of staying at home?

I bet her husband’s cheating on her.

You’re going back to work? If you really WANTED to stay at home, you’d sacrifice to do it!

Whew. She gained so much weight while pregnant!

I’m glad MY kids don’t behave like THAT!

If you would just homeschool, LIKE ME, you wouldn’t have to be worried about homework!

You took them to Chick-filet? Yikes. We only do organic!

The list goes on. Now, perhaps we only THINK these things in our heads. Does that make our behavior any better? Why do we treat each other this way?

The way I see it is this. We are all on this ship together. Not just the mother-ship, but Jesus Christ’s ship. We’ve all been given different jobs. Some of us have a large crew under our belts and are with them every step of the way.

Some of us need to man the direction of the ship, so they need some help to watch after their crew.

Her uniform is a size 2. Yours is a size 16.  WHO CARES?

Let’s give each other GRACE. The grace that we don’t know what that other mother or sister in Christ is struggling with today. The grace that surpasses understanding. The Lord has them in a totally different part of the ship than you. And that’s ok! We don’t need to comment, worry, analyze or turn our noses up at the whys and whats of their lives and decisions.  Some days she has to paddle REALLY HARD to keep her end afloat. But, before we judge, before we gossip, before we condemn to esteem yourself, remember the winds change quickly. And one day, we’ll be paddling just as hard.

Honestly. If we have time to let our minds begin to put our girlfriends down, then by all means, we have too much time on our hands and minds. It’s probably the best time to reach over and help her row, because she probably needs the help. Or a prayer.

Jesus Christ gives grace to us every day. He knows the whole story. He is always on our side. He is gentle and comforting. He considers OUR needs, not his own. Are we being that for the girlfriends in our lives? Are we being Christ-like?

I know it’s impossible to be perfect.  I also know that for many of us it’s near impossible to eliminate the judgmental thoughts towards others.  However, my prayer for myself and all mothers is that we can find a common ground of grace and pray for guidance from God to stay there.

It’ll take work.  But we owe it to ourselves.  And we owe it to Jesus.

.

Today, I received BAD news regarding my blog.  It’s all behind the scenes, but man, a knife to the gut.  I want to give up.  I really do.  But I won’t.

After I gave it to God, talked to the BFF, and scrubbed my house top to bottom to let out some anger, I watched this video.

Today, I’m at the point where she’s seeing the boat leave.  But she runs after it.  Tomorrow, after a good cry, I’ll be running after the boat.

Love you all!  I hope you’re having an ‘on the boat’ type of day!

I’m not going to lie.  Tomorrow is going to be rough.  I’m psyching myself out today.  Praying it won’t happen.  But, I think it might…good attitude and all.

You see, we just got back from a 6 day visit with family back home.  No school.  Tons of candy.  Family.  Always something to do, somewhere to go, and someone to play with.  No chores or schedule.  Just plain fun.  Fun for EVERYONE (even me!).  Which, makes this transition all the more difficult.

Adding insult to injury, my husband is flying out of state for a meeting bright and early in the morning.  He hasn’t traveled for more than a night since baby #4 was born and this will be a 4 day trip.  He usually works from home, so this isn’t going to make the ‘getting back to reality’ any easier.

I’m going to go ahead and be real immature right now and say I’M DREADING dealing with tomorrow.  The ‘I don’t want to’s', ‘I miss Grandpa’s house’, ‘when can I have a break’s?’.  Add in evening schedules and bedtimes to maintain on my own, and and I just want to kick the dust and spit.  Ya know?

Homeschooling after a break is HARD.   Not summer break.  Summer break isn’t too bad because there’s that ‘freshness’ of a new year.  New curriculum and subject matter.  But a 6 day break?  It’s rough.  I don’t even take a ‘real’ summer break since my kids are so little.  They don’t know the difference.

Here’s my plan for tomorrow, and all ‘after break’ transitions:

• Don’t be so anal.  That’s right.  Anal.  OCD.  Picky.  I can be BAD.  With my new found journey into Grace-Based Parenting, this will be especially hard.  Try my best to be relaxed, go with the flow, not expect perfection when it comes to academics, behavior, or house cleaning.
• Have some fun.  Put science first.  Take a nature walk.  Do our reading at the park.  Something SPECIAL.  Not sure what our weather will be like tomorrow, but I’m going to do something like that.
• Stick to our old schedule.  The suit cases are everywhere.  There are hardly any groceries (actually my husband is at the store now stocking up for me before he leaves).  Laundry is calling my name.  All that will need to wait so that I can focus on the boys and get school done in a timely manner.
• Firm, yet kind.  No matter how hard we try to be sweet all the time, sometimes (like tomorrow, I presume), we may need to be FIRM.  Let them know, spelling and math have to get done.  That’s all there is to it.

So ironic, I just finished typing this and my oldest just came in and asked to get a jump start on tomorrow.  LOL!  Isn’t that always how it works?  Pray for me!  I’m going in!!!!  I’ll be praying these verses tonight and during my morning coffee:

Psalms 25:5 Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.

Psalms 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.

1 John 5:14-15 And this is our confidence, that if we pray according to His will, He will hear us, and give us what we ask for, because our desires are in agreement with His thoughts for us.

Psalm 145:18-19 Yahweh is close to all who call on Him—to all who call on Him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him: He will hear their cry and save them.

I can’t wait until he sleeps through the night….

I can’t wait until he stops nursing…

I can’t wait until he talks….

I can’t wait until he’s potty trained…

I can’t wait until he starts school…

I can’t wait until he can read…

I can’t wait until they’re out of the house and we can travel…

I can’t wait until they can drive themselves around…

The list could go on.

It seems like when it comes to raising children, I am the QUEEN of ‘wishing and waiting for the next stage’.  The grass will soon be greener (and easier), but that proves to be a figment of my imagination and once I hit the next stage, I’m totally yearning for the previous one.

What’s up with that?  WHY do we do this?  Human nature I guess.  Thinking that each stage will get easier.  Unfortunately, we learn all too soon that each new phase only brings on new challenges.  New exhaustion.  New prayers we send up to the Lord to help us through.

I want to stop this.  Will you do it with me?  Stop ‘wishing’ for the next stage.  Let’s just relish in the moment today.   Even the really really really really bad ones.  Like when your kid rolls there eyes at you.  How about when they don’t make it to the potty for the 10th time? Let’s just take a deep breath, together, and snuggle into the moment.

What’s that saying?  “Today is a gift.  That’s why they call it the present.”  I like it.

The Lord has shaped each day, each moment for US.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  Let’s accept and cherish it.

I’m gonna try.  Do it with me, won’t you?

Love you all so much.  I mean that.  And Jesus loves you too!

I didn’t discover the ease of pork tenderloin until a couple years ago, but it’s always a hit.  Kids like it and it is perfect for leftovers. It’s also not too expensive.  This is how I cook it every. single. time.  I don’t branch out much.  It’s the ‘hesitant’ in me

This method is fool proof, tender, quick, and perfect every time!

**If you froze your tenderloin, take it out 3-5 hours before you want to start this recipe by placing in a dish with cool water dripping over it.  I do not recommend defrosting in the microwave.  Don’t ask me how I know.**

So, first, buy the tenderloin.  I usually cook mine within a day of buying it so I don’t have to worry about defrosting it.

Here’s what it’ll look like at the store:

 So, all you do is season it liberally (that’ll be one of the few times you hear me type ‘liberal’ on this blog, so relish it it )

You can use Lawry’s, generic season-all, salt and pepper only, lemon pepper, or anything that suits your fancy.  You cannot mess this step up.  Well, let me clarify.  You CAN put too much Lawry’s and make it too salty.  Don’t ask me how I know.

I cut open the shrink wrap, season it in a glass or metal baking dish (whatever is clean that day!), then you MUST MUST MUST sear/brown/sautee or whatever you want to call it until all sides are golden brown.  I do this in a skillet using olive oil.  Only takes about 3-5 minutes.  Then, I put the seared tenderloin back into the baking dish I seasoned it in and pop it into a 375 degree oven until the internal temp is at 160 degrees F.

That’s it!  I’d say the baking time is about 30 minutes….WITH the searing…..but it’s going to depend on the size of your loin.  Tee hee.  The size of your loin.  Oh Lawdy, moving on….

That’s it!  After you take it from the oven, let it rest for a couple minutes (because saying ‘let it rest’ makes me sound like I know what I’m doing!)

Enoy!!!

“Ughhhhh….when can I go play?”

“This is taking FOREVER.”

“I can’t.  It’s toooo hard…..”

Oh.  My.  Goodness.  Good thing I’m learning to parent with grace these days, because these comments and issues were/are throwing me over the edge.  The only difference these days is that I’m able to handle the situation better since promising myself I’d not be such a harsh mommy.

However, I’m sure you, like me, wonder WHERE the balance is as a homeschooling mom?  I mean, grace is great and all, but school NEEDS to get done.  I can appreciate unschoolers, but we’re not there *yet*.  Plus, if I really let my child do the leading and gave into his every whim, his nose would be in the ipad all. day. long.  Or Nintendo DS or Leap Pad…pick your poison.

How often does this happen at my house?  The whining and complaining about doing school, I mean.

Are you wondering if you’re ‘normal’? (whatever that means).  I’d say almost daily I deal with resistance.  Yup.  Everyday.  (Did you think I’d lie and tell you it’s easy, LOL!)  I’m feeling like it’s partly curriculum (Here are 10 Question you NEED to ask yourself before purchasing homeschool curriculum that I’m pondering now too), and I’m feeling like it’s partly expectations and scheduling.  It’s also a little of my fault as well.  Here are 5 tips I think may help us out (both me and my kids, and you and your kids)

1.  Change of scenery.  Also known as a curriculum/teaching style switch.  I’m not sure if I have the guts to give up my beloved Sonlight, however it maybe a little too much for us right now.  Not sure yet.  However, I’m really wondering if there is a better option that would peak their interests more.  I also think that perhaps if you’ve stuck with 1 company for several years (this was my 3rd year of Sonlight), that a change, even for just a year, can be a breath of fresh air.  Or at least that’s how I’m feeling.

2.  Schedule.  Schedule.  Schedule.  I think that one issue that has come up since the baby has been born is that my mornings are so hectic with diapers, nursing, burping, swaddling, and moby-wrapping, that our schedule is off.  Plus, they’d start the ‘please 5 more minutes’ game or the ‘I just want to ride my bike’ spiel.  Now, I’d give in out of sleep deprivation and the old adage that they are FINALLY playing well together…why intervene?  But, of course, I’d have to DRAG them in to do school and ‘Whine Fest 2013′ begins.  Before the baby was born, it wasn’t like this.  So, I’m literally POSTING a schedule.  8:30 am is Math, 9:15 Reading/LA.  10:00 Break, etc.  I realize this may be too stringent for most.  It’s kinda is too harsh for ME, but we need it so that my boys know the expectations.

3.  Be firm.  Yet graceful.  We have to understand that homeschooling must be a difficult thing for them at times.  I know I struggle with pulling my self away from Facebook or blogging to go do the dishes, so I KNOW it’s tough to set down the Legos to complete assignments.  It’s the blessing and curse of being at home.  However, lately, despite my journey to more grace-ful mothering, I need to be FIRM.  “Honey, I understand you don’t want to, but this is necessary and we will do it.  I will not take no for an answer.  I will be sitting here with you every step of the way if you need me.”  After I say that, I start.  Either with, “Okay, the first work is ‘the’, let’s start reading.”  Or I just start with the read aloud and dive in.

4.  Don’t say, “It’s time for school.”  I’ve realized that gradually beginning by just placing a map out at breakfast and talking about where our read-aloud takes place is a good start.  Sneaking it in can *sometimes* work.

5.   Prepare more exciting stuff.  I’ll admit I’ve gotten LAZY with preparing activities ahead of time and just quickly trudging through the ‘necessary’ workbook pages and read alouds.  I PIN some AWESOME STUFF…but I’m not DOING IT.  Ugh.  I hate that I have fallen into this rut.  So, starting next week I’ll be doing lots more hands on activities.  If we skip over some stuff, who cares?  I’m going to *try* to be okay with this.

Will I ever strike a balance?  Between mean mommy and firm, yet gentle one?  I’m not sure.

All I can say is this.  My kids complain.  Lots.  So, you’re not alone.  However, the beauty of home education is that we can tweak over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.  Ya know?

Good luck out there homeschooling moms!  And if you find something that works, by all means..SHARE it with the rest of us!

Don’t forget to read my last post:  10 Questions to Ask Before Buying a Homeschool Curriculum

Seriously, folks.  I’m an advocate of living debt free and staying that way.  You can read more about that here.  You might have your sights set on the best Pre-K 4 set out there, but if you can’t afford it, move on.  Trust me, that bill will become a burden (don’t ask me how I know…)

2.  Is it right for your kids? 

Seems like a simple question, right?  However, I have found that some companies market things SO well, that I often forget to factor in my children’s personalities and interests.  I tend to notice the books that I loved as a child or a teacher…but I must remind myself I have four little boys who aren’t as keen on Little Women!

3.  Is it right for the season of motherhood you’re in?

This is one I’m trying to figure out.  My usual curriculum is AWESOME.  However, it requires quite a bit of quiet time and listening.  My oldest is the only one that can truly benefit.  And even then, the other 3 are all over the place while I try to read.  As perfect as the program is, I may need to realize that for the time being, I need to take a more realistic approach while I have young children.  With a nursing baby, toddler screaming and writing on the walls, and short attention spans for the older boys….reading for 4 hours a day might not be what we need.

4.  Will it stand the test of time?

Can you reuse the resources?  Are the manipulatives well made?  Does the price match the quality?  Does it appeal to several learning styles (because I can guarantee all your kids will learn differently), or will this only work for 1 child?  I use Sonlight and it’s PERFECT for standing the test of time….not so much for  issue #3.

5.  How much prep time does it require?

This is a huge factor.  If you have lots of people to help or time to prepare things every Sunday or something, than maybe this won’t be an issue for you.  However, for me, I’ve realized I literally have to buy something that takes ZERO prep time.  I simply cannot be going over things hours at a time the night before.  Maybe I’d be a better teacher to do that, but I haven’t found the time yet.

6.  Does it include all your subjects? 

If you’re buying a boxed curriculum, go over all it includes and made sure you aren’t missing something that is vital.  Many boxed curricula come with Reading, Writing, Math, and Spelling.  Perhaps History is thrown in there too.  However, many times Bible study and Science have to be added on.  What about Art?  Physical Education?  Geography?  Consider it all.

7.  Does it include your read-alouds/history/science texts?

I’ve gotten spoiled with what curriculum I’ve bought in that it includes everything.  However, I realize for ME, this is invaluable.  I do not MAKE the time (and sometimes I really don’t HAVE) the time to go check out all the books on a regular basis (and return them without a late fee) for our school work.  Perhaps you are a very organized person who can march to your own drum and be on top of literature needed for your homeschool.  It will save you a TON of money!  I wish I could.  However, for me personally, it’s just not realistic.

8.  How long will it take everyday (per child) to get it done?

Depending on what kind of curriculum you buy, what grade you’re teaching, and HOW MANY kids you are guiding is a major factor.  Curriculum companies can claim all they want that you can teach them all at once, but there comes an age gap in which math, reading, and spelling must be done individually.  If your program is not efficient and requires a ton of busy work, you could be at this for hours on end.  I’m learning this with my 4.5 year old now.  He just started doing ‘true’ school with my 6 year old and I, and it has really made me realize I have a lot to learn when it comes to teaching multiple children!  I do not have time for too much fluff.

9.  Do I know someone who already uses/owns it?

One of the BEST things you can do for yourself is ask around your co-ops or online and LOOK at your potential curricula.  Attending a homeschool conference can help you get your eyes and hands on several companies products during the convention.  I *thought* I knew exactly how I wanted to teach when I first started until I got to thumb through workbooks and resources at our local homeschool convention.  HUGE eye opener.

10.  Pray about it. 

This is a hard thing for me to give advice on because I’m such a worry wart.  I tend to Google the heck out of something before I talk it over with God.  It’s a terrible habit I’m doing my best to correct daily.  I always thought..”Homeschool curriculum?  Why on EARTH do I need to pray about that.  How silly.”  However, I’ve now realized what a huge decision this is.  This decision affects our finances, my attitude, my children’s attitudes, their education, my time management, and our relationships with each other and with God.  So, it most definitely deserves our prayerful consideration.  It also requires patience.  Don’t rush into ANYTHING.  Don’t ask me how I know

You know what the toughest thing is about this whole process? (What process?  What she’s talking about?  See here.) We’re working with children.  Despite my softer tone, praising, and 5 star rated Amazon books, we are still hitting rough spots on how I respond to the back-talking, greediness, selfishness, and fighting, and ….oh wow, that list could GO ON.

It’s like, I got invited to a party and no one else BYOB’d!  It’s so easy to just call it a day and stick them in front of the TV and go check Facebook.  Ya know?  Time to MYSELF.  Can I get an Amen?

Wait.  Don’t say Amen.  That was a trick.

This is one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve discovered on this journey.  Our society is SO self-centered.  I am so self-centered.  We have trained our minds to believe that we NEED a break.  A pedicure.  Those new shoes.  Mother’s Day Out.  New toys so the kids will leave us alone for 5 seconds.  Netflix so they’ll shut their mouths.  ipads so we don’t have to read to them.

It’s high time we died to SELF.  I think it’s the sheer definition of motherhood.  Right?  I make it sound like prison.  I think the point, though, is to ENJOY serving, raising, and training our children.  I mean, I want to survive this stage and enjoy the fruits of my labor when they are grown.  Who wants an obnoxious mother-son relationship?  Not me.  I must nip this in the bud.

Sure, we all ‘like’ it.  Heck, it’s my career choice.  I LOVE when we have good moments (that’s right folks, moments..not days…let’s not get too fired up).  When I’m reading out loud, and they are sitting, quietly, getting along at my feet.  And the baby is napping.  I’m SO the self-less moms in those moments.  Totally gentle.  100% Michelle Duggar.

LOL.  But, wait 5 minutes.  Mothering is like the weather in Texas, it seems.

I DO NOT enjoy the trip to Khols when I have to literally contort my face to make the most EVIL look EVERRRR so they’ll stop touching the purses and hiding under the clothes racks.  I lose all composure and meekness in these moments.  People are staring (and counting the weenies), my blood pressure is rising, I can’t find my coupon, and everyone decides they have to go to the Noro-virus ridden bathroom!

AHHHHHHHHHH.  Someone just come TAKE these kids!  LET ME SHOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It felt good to type that.  Whew.

These are the moments I must die to self in.  These are the sanding of my edges I NEED to happen.  And more than me, my kids need it.  However, these are the most difficult times to work on ourselves.  When others are watching.  When we have OUR goal, not our children’s in mind…and most important, the Lords’.

I have no solution, yet.  Besides to just keep my cool, go over the rules before we leave, and keep the errand short and the praises flowing like crazy. And PRAY MY BUTT OFF. 

My husband and I are reading “Grace Based Parenting“, which has basically changed my thinking on parenting.  It’s life changing.  But also sad because up until this point, I kinda sucked at this.  And it makes me pissed.  (Did she just say pissed and sucked on a homeschooling website?)  Yes.  Yes I did.

Oy.  I’m exhausted.  Forget the sanding….Just saw me in half!